Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Getting In Step

I have a dark and painful family secret. I finally can take the shame no more . It is time to drag back the blackened curtains and let the light come streaming in and so, with immense (even if I say so myself) strength of will, I take a first step towards releasing myself from the terrible burden…..

...which is why I find myself today standing in a pair of shorts and a sports bra in front of a woman who is playing with my instep. As this is Wednesday afternoon and no liquor is involved I am afraid all of you leaning closer into the computer screen are going to be disappointed.
I have ..oh God! I can’t say it.. (gulps).. I have ..flat feet.

‘You also have,’ says the woman squeezing my hallux, ‘cocked up toes and slightly knock-knees.’


This woman has perfect knees. Her toes have A-levels. God! In her eyes I am Neddie Seagoon from The Goon Show. How the hell did I cock up my own toes? Can everyone see I cocked them up? Even in shoes?

'Eeeee yacka boooooo!' I say She is prodding my lateral malleolus.

‘£90’says she stuffing my shoes with foam and patting my deltoid.

Outside and yes, I definitely feel springier. Possibly because my wallet is a lot lighter.

5 comments:

Suzie said...

In some cultures flat feet is a turn on only the most sought after women have them. Nobby knees ahh they have magazines dedicated to nobby knees.

Suzie said...

DANG! (sorry I forgot)

Louisa said...

Now Tanvir.......this is what I keep telling you.....lean on your friends during such difficult and trying times.....and I could have told you that you had flat feet and it would have only cost you a bottle of wine of which I would have shared with you!!!
Seriously though, I am afflicted with high arches! Oh the shame!! LOL!!!
xxx

ACGMess said...

My feet are flattish. We can have a competition when you are here.

Suzie said...

Dang! I have tagged you for some blogging meme thing. Go to my site blog and play. Do it! Do it now cuz!