I have a dark and painful family secret. I finally can take the shame no more . It is time to drag back the blackened curtains and let the light come streaming in and so, with immense (even if I say so myself) strength of will, I take a first step towards releasing myself from the terrible burden…..
...which is why I find myself today standing in a pair of shorts and a sports bra in front of a woman who is playing with my instep. As this is Wednesday afternoon and no liquor is involved I am afraid all of you leaning closer into the computer screen are going to be disappointed.
I have ..oh God! I can’t say it.. (gulps).. I have ..flat feet.
‘You also have,’ says the woman squeezing my hallux, ‘cocked up toes and slightly knock-knees.’
This woman has perfect knees. Her toes have A-levels. God! In her eyes I am Neddie Seagoon from The Goon Show. How the hell did I cock up my own toes? Can everyone see I cocked them up? Even in shoes?
'Eeeee yacka boooooo!' I say She is prodding my lateral malleolus.
‘£90’says she stuffing my shoes with foam and patting my deltoid.
Outside and yes, I definitely feel springier. Possibly because my wallet is a lot lighter.