Summer on a Saturday night. I stand in my garden where all to me is a beautiful indeterminate, soft, green fuzz. In the neighbours' gardens children sing and play and adults bang hammers and light fires; the smell of burnt sausages and tizz- crack of cans all around.
I should be watching the film on the DVD. It is on and playing but I can’t be still. Much as I love being alone NO ONE is that happy about being alone on a beautiful Saturday evening with the pollen count way up high.
'You are not lonely', says my body. 'You have tummy ache. '
'Ahh', I say
'No really,' says my body. 'Think about it.'
My face winks at me in the mirror; but more like a convict trying to convince a parole board.
Me: So I’m happy then…?
Body: Yep. Look, twirl. No…do it naked. See no one gives a shit…there you go. Wasn’t that fun. (You can put ‘em away now.)
Me: And that makes me happy?
Body: Ok ok…good grief woman..how difficult to please you are. Ok..well…feed..i mean food. Eat something delicious. Anything. Cook a whole chicken and eat both kinds of meat! Drink wine from the bottle. Don’t do the washing up.
Me: Why?
Body: For cripes sake! Because you can…on your own! No one cares…
Me: Well actually…that’s the point..the ‘no one caring’..
Body: Ok hell..err.. just twirl again while I’m thinking…
Face does a face shrug and winks again. It is slurring its winks. That is wine from the bottle for you.
Me: (infuriated) Why can’t I just admit to being lonely?
Body: God woman. You are in your late thirties..disabled, childless..broke. You will sound weak and desperate.
Me: …..and ..your point..
Body: Just thank .. just ..blessings…err… think of everything you have..how lucky you are…
Me: I am lucky. I know. I love my messed up crazy life. That is exactly why I want to sh…
Body: Well there you go.
Me: As I was saying, very lucky but I would like to shar..
Body: Don’t say that word.
Me: What word?
Body Don’t say ‘share’..
Me: Why not??
Body: Hell, I warned you. Right. Sit her down butt. I hate to do this but you leave me little choice…Oy brain…cue her in.
Cue: memory b roll film excerpts of almost every couple I’ve ever known leaving, cheating, fighting, weeping.
sfx: Silence
sfx: More silence
Sfx: Face gulping from wine bottle
Me: (slowly) yeah ..but at least they got some action…
Body: (hissing) It’s bloody stomach ache…. (aside) they don’t pay me enough)
3 comments:
oh tanvi you wonderfully crazy beautiful talented woman!!!LOVE this post and know exactly where you are coming from. and i agree. indeed yes i do! crap being alone. you want to have FUN with someone. Share. laugh. be inspired. i'm with you girl.! this was a great post. great post. THANKS! xxx janelle
Love it Tanvi - I'm with J on this this one! xxxx
I LOVE YOU TANVI!!!!!!!!! Come be with me and do not be lonely anymore. i have children here who will be with you all the time will even follow you into the loo. You will never be lonely again. Ok well Im kind of lonely too. DANG!
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