Friday, 7 November 2008

Is there honey still for tea?

The writing is going swimmingly ( 13,000 and counting) and the disgraceful lifestyle of hermit thriller-smith suits me rather too well. I forget to get all the way out of my panamas. I don’t brush my hair. I am in my socks for 9/10ths of the day. Occasionally I break out of the house to breathe fresh air and practice walking. Unfortunately I keep forgetting to double check my ‘personal brand’ in the mirror on the way out.

Yesterday I went to buy some maple syrup from the famous health food store on Mill road. I thought I had built up quite a chatty rapport with the woman behind the counter and as I was waiting for my card to do its thing without crumbling into dust I just mentioned something I had heard on the news that morning.
‘The honey,’ I said. ‘British honey did you hear? Its going to be gone by Christmas.’

‘Err..,’ the woman’s smile had faltered slightly. ‘You mean prices are on the rise?’

‘No the bees are dying. I heard on the RADIO that there will be no honey left by Christmas. This is really terrifying. Without bees there is no natural pollination…crops won’t grow. It could be catastrophic!’

The woman’s smile had dripped off her face like organic egg white. Suddenly I saw her myself through her eyes. A short, over-talkative woman without make up in an grotty track suit (or was that a pajama top?) with a old lady hat and strands of hair escaping around her face…. in a health food store….talking about the end of the bees and the end, therefore, of the world.

I looked like an official loon.

‘I not bonkers,’ I hissed to myself as I sulked away down the street scaring a couple of tourists walking the other way.

Today I had work at Citizens Advice Bureau and at least remembered to clean my teeth.

10 comments:

Susan said...

Welcome to official loony-dom! What a terrific post, I laughed.

But it IS sad about the bees; they've been warning us about the end of wild Irish bees for a few years now. I didn't know it was as bad as you've heard it was.

But, 13,000...well done!!

fush and chips said...

Good going on the writing Tanvir, and welcome to the pajama republic.

"If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would only have four years of life left." - Einstein
I think that's a bogus quote, but its pretty chilling anyways. Shudder.

Chimera said...

Ta Susan- I am still in awe of your 15thou in a day! Yep the bees, the bees...
I hadn't heard that quote Fush. Bloody hell. Perhaps they could stop faffing around with black holes and fix the bloody bee problem before its too late. What can we do?

Val said...

blimey more bad news about bees!
congrats on the writing - keep up the good work :-) great post again thanks

Nao Sims said...

Chimera, you have the ability to make me laugh no matter what you are writing about. And at this moment, on this planet, I think a good sense of humour is our best bet.

Well, this combined with a new American President!

I just love your BLog!~

Fire Byrd said...

But the big question I was left with, did you wear your PJs to the citizens advise even if you did have clean teeth???

Janelle said...

oh i've been chuntering on for ages about the demise of our bees and the state of our planet...bees are also mysteriously disappearing in california too...so the walnut (think its walnuts?) trees are not being pollinated and on and on it goes..don't start me on amphibians...even though i have an irrational fear of frogs and things...you had me laughing with your excellent description of you in the shop..I SAW ME!!? love always xx janelle

Reya Mellicker said...

Bravo on living the writer's lifestyle! Very cool.

Sad about the honey - fortunately honeybees are not the only insects that pollinate, but they are the only ones that make honey.

Chimera said...

Ahh fire byrd, good question. i beleive I went the whole hog and dressed, even brushed hair..or did I?
Ta all, Nao, Val, Janelle, Reya for the lovely comments. Perhaps Obama can do soemthing about the bees, frog, mammals generally..hmm must check out his stance on apocolypse.
T x

Suzie said...

I know I havent seen you in awhile but you have changed.

Ive heard the honey thing too. Scary