Saturday, 20 September 2008

Pussycat Palls.

I really don’t like the Pussycat Dolls because..well ...because I have half a brain..but due to their very high, glossy, production values, I am still strangely drawn to them and have a horrible habit of finding myself humming their spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank, little ditties.

They have single bandedly promoted female betrayal, ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and women are refundable, replaceable and cheap, cheap, cheap with such unforgettable nasties as ‘Dontcha’ (as in ‘Dontcha’ wish your girlfriend was as hot as me’…what IS the opposite of ‘girl power’?)

However, I do have to confess to thinking that their latest ‘lets-ge-the-7-year-olds-into-thongs’ song had the lyric;

I wanna be famous
I wanna have ‘boobies’

‘ I wanna have ‘boobies’?? Bloody hell, I thought. I have these women all wrong. Perhaps…they have …omigod..intellect. Perhaps this really was genius post modern satire! I went further.. and actually read an article and tried watching an interview in the hope that these women were actually secret ninja feminists and their songs were a sinister, absurdist take on the world of celebrity pop culture and fame.

Then I actually READ the lyrics. In fact they didn’t want ‘boobies’ (they already have them apparently)... they wanted ‘groupies’

When I grow up

I wanna see the world

Drive nice cars

I wanna have groupies

See…’groupie’s folks…’groupies’..… that’s not funny, witty or ironic (English ‘ironic’ not Allanis) . And it doesn’t scan.

Of course it gets worse..

When I grow up

Be on tv

People know me

Be on magazines

When I grow up

Fresh and clean

Number one chick

when I step out on the scene

And that my friends, ain’t even English. It don’t even rhyme but hell they are very bendy, wear small clothes and do a marvellous selection of bottom jerks in stilletoes. Who am I trying to kid? I am very disappointed in the Pussycat dolls. They are not, as I thought for one brief glowing moment, subversive. They are just shit. And I still can’t purge that song-cum-advert -for-emptiness from my mind


Chris Stobart said...

Too right

How dare they glamourise their own career with this tosh. The biggest denial of reality since the Jackson 5 cartoon.

Chimera said...

Brilliantly put dear Chris!

Louisa said...

I second that. Should be a law against prancing around stage in those dangerously high stilletos, surely they are breaking some health and safety law there???
Oh sweets, you have made me smile having read your latest .... keep them coming LOL!!!!

Reya Mellicker said...

Did you know that they're trying to make pole dancing an Olympic sport? Hmmm....

As for Pussycat Dolls, I've never seen them perform but their photos are very frightening.

Hormones go a long way to punching up the charisma factor, but they're so far out on the scale, they seem like characters from a science fiction film. Not hot, not sexy - at least that's what I see. If I were a man, my thing would droop and shrivel at the mere thought of sex with them.

On a totally different note, my camera is the cheapest handheld Nikon on the market. I use photoshop to color correct and pump up the contrast and brightness, and to correct composition (crop) which makes my pics much more accessible.

Also I live in a beautiful city with incredible weather, which helps a lot.

Happy equinox! Day and night - for you and me, for our friends in Africa and Australia and everywhere else, is exactly the same today. Love that brief moment of balance!

tam said...

Haha This post is hilarious BUT! Should I be ashamed to say I don't know who the hell you are talking about ? Should I get out more?

But in answer to a previous post - re the aid money fiasco.. "Where does all the money go?" I've had some insight into that lately. I think it all goes into meetings and publications that no-one reads. Grand plans with fancy names like Millenium Development Goals. You are right. Why ARE there still street children? Its untenable. I spoke to someone about climate change in Malawi. the $$$ millions that are being thrust on them are going to be spent on a 5yr plan to assess and analyse what needs to be done about climate change. Oi vei. Is it not simple? Meetings about meetings, I tell you. sheesh. Oh. And hiring clueless sods like me to write their documents so they can't be held responsible for what gets said.

Suzie said...

I hate that song dont you wish that they do. I feel like their talking about me as the other girlfriend and it makes me mad mad mad

tinku said...

How dare you put down the Pussycat Dolls. "Don't Ya" has been my theme song for the last 2 years (Suzie, I am the hot one, not the other one). How would I know how to seduce a man if it weren't for the kind and generous Pussycats lending their sage advice. Clearly it works for them, why not me???

For those of us who are not good songwriters/singers, it gives us comfort that having nice tits can get us far in life.

Chimera said...

You are all hilarious! Thanks Louisa, glad you enjoyed it.
Tinku- just going to run up the flag pole that you should be kicked out of touch! Very funny!

Tam- they are generic soft porn for teenagers psuedo grrrl power' barbies. You'll know 'em when you see 'em. Kind of Feminist version of the mellenium Dev Goal!

That's really useful Reya, thanks. I have a battered old digi but have yet to get savvy with photoshop. I'll certainly look into it..but I really do love your work!
Ta al - more soon and love
T x

family affairs said...

Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog...I've got some photos i took recently of the PCD's - no, I think best to avoid learning what they are actually singing's too depressing Lx

Sparx said...

Hi Chimera

Thanks for the comment on my blog - this post really made me laugh... I thought I hadn't a clue who you were on about until you mention the 'hawt like me' song which, catchy though it is, is hardly appropriate for someone such as I to have in my head... thus, clearly, I hate them too!